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Wednesday, January 28, 2009
She came to my area juz now... The questions she asked me a few minutes ago keep running in my head... over & over... i tried so hard to keep it tgr... my whole body was shaking... my heart was beating so fast i couldn't breathe but i hung on... tears filled my eyes & i looked away from her... I vowed not to cry again... not ever... but it's so hard to do... when the one person that means so much to me might no longer be part of my life... she asked me if i have anything else to say to her... ntg came into my mind when she was sitting right beside me... i was just savouring every single moment i had with her... knowing that i might not get to see her again for a really2 long time... then when she forced me not to send her back i asked myself why... i haven't seen her for so long & I'm so damn happy to see her... but did she felt the same way... she even denied my final request... the lift door closed & the sight of her waving goodbye makes me wanna cry... i looked down as the door shut... I couldn't sleep... lye on my bed right after seeing her board the bus... was that the last time I'll ever see her... was that her final farewell... i check up on her friendster & blog... it has changed... then it struck me... was this the end? As i lye on my bed... helpless... the memories of me & her keep running in my mind... the 1st overnight BBQ with her family... the trip to ECP cos she wanna see her juniors... the stinky bus ride after dat... the 1st time i held her hands... the best bus ride i ever had during Hari Raya... the late night Hari Raya with my NS friend... holding hands watching Madagascar 2, arm dislocated but i didn't wanna let her go... the 1st person who ever hugged me so tight... 1st person to hug my arms... a dating relationship dat i can only dream of... the 1st person to ever kiss my hand... singing to her at the fountain of wealth... the cable car ride... the 1st ever girl who's family i treated like my own... the flowers i gave to her... the 1st person to ever give me a teddy... the way she makes me feel like I'm flying every time I'm with her & when we're apart, waiting for a day to pass me by seems like forever... the 1st person i ever fed chocolates to... the 1st person i actually wanted to be tgr with ever since the 1st time i got to noe her... some1 so special to me, it makes me feel like I'm inferior in so many ways... my source of happiness & strength, makes me feel like i can do anything when I'm with her... saying i love you to her is nvr enough even if i say it a million times over... the pinches she used to give me, hurts like hell but now i miss them so much... the person who filled that big hole in my heart & made me stronger as a person... she thought me the true meaning of family... her face... her eyes... her lips... her cute nose... her beautiful wavy hair... her charm... her snore =)... everything about her is perfect to me... I dun care what people think... i dun care about your family background cos they're AWESOME to me... i dun care what my mom thinks... I'll fight to keep u in my life... i still think that we can overcome this if we try harder... I keep thinking why she would wanna end it... why wouldn't she wanna fight to survive this sinking ship... i would fight & keep on fighting cos that's how important she is to me in my life... what would i ever do without her by my side... but come to think of it, maybe the months of silence was to prepare me for this faithful day... I've seen this coming a mile away but i kept telling myself that maybe i was paranoid... maybe it's just me... but damn, i hate to be right all the time... now i feel like i can't go on... what should i do... Ya Allah... pls tell me what to do... all the prayers i gave to you to protect the people i love & make them happy... Now the person i love the most, the 1 i love so dearly is slipping away from me & I'm asking you for a little help... What about my love? My happiness? Your loyal servant is finally asking you for a little help... The proud & mighty has finally fallen once again for the 2nd time... U took away my heart & soul once... now when i finally got it back, I'm loosing it again... Will you give me light at the end of this dark tunnel in my life... i'm on my hands & knees & i'm begging you... Feeling so helpless, i fell asleep... only to wake up 2 hrs ltr with the sight of a cute teddy by my side... Then it hit me again... it wasn't a nightmare... this is actually happening... you guyz kept asking me why i burn my diary & pictures of my late ex if i love her so much... ask yourself this, what would you do if dat persons sweet face keeps haunting you every night for years... the sweet memories dat used to give you strength & hope is now a double edge sword & killing you with every passing day... what would you do when u finally thought u had let her go but u breakdown every time u saw her pics... the things she left behind is like a knife stuck to ur chest... now that same thing is happening again... i got off my bed & went to solat subur & here i am writing this post... my whole body is so tired... my eyes feels like it's burning up, my head is tromping as if some1 is hitting it with a stick... CATS presentation test is @ 1pm later & I'm totally not prepared for it... She asked me how long can i wait... i couldn't give her a proper ans... i dun wanna lie to her cos waiting isn't easy... obstacles keeps coming & i have to be strong... you never noe when I'll finally give up... especially without reassurance... cos u ask yourself what are u waiting for cos u haven't heard any word from her... the best way to wait is actually not waiting at all... juz go on with ur life but once in a while it'll struck u dat maybe she have found some1 better in her life... ur happy for her but u always wish that the certain some1 was u... then u end up miserable again... cos being juz friends again after sharing something special is hard... JUST FRIENDS... those two words are like bullets to my chest... juz kill me already... it might not be hard to you but it's the hardest thing for me... cos once i fall for some1, that feeling never goes away even if i tell every1 dat i dun love dat person anymore... even if years past me by... that'll never change... i won't talk to you & won't even see you eye to eye... wouldn't even wanna see you cos a single glimpse of u can cause me to breakdown... this goes to every single girl i ever fall for... i believe every 1 of you have heard me say those words to you before... The sun has risen once again signaling a new day... Genesis to a new page in my life & finally after so long... my status is single & available once again... the waiting game has started once again... & once again it was for the same reason... the same words said to me before it all ends was... 1) I dun wanna loose you, 2) You deserve some1 better. 3) I'm not good enough for you You guyz have no idea hw much i hate those words... it's like the calm before a storm... Sigh... I'm so tired... tired of my failures... tired of always giving it my all & somehow it's always nvr enough... srry if i ever hurt you... i still dun think i'm perfect... there's so many defects dat i hate myself... hate myself for always loosing the 1 i love... i burn bridges the moment i fell in love with her cos to me she's the 1... now i have no1 else... congrats Mirza... you dug ur own grave... alone once again... I could never say all this to her, face to face cos I'll nvr get to finish what i have to say... cos I'll be drenched with tears... Shit i think i got a fever coming... I'm gonna rest nw... need to go to skool in 2 hrs time... i can't believe it took me so long to write this post... time past me by so fast... Thx for reading guyz... Labels: Goodbye My Love... |
 
Mohamad Syamirza
a.k.a Syam (Erm... apparently almost everyone in my class calls me my this name now... even teachers -_-") MiRzA (Norm for relatives & friends) Mimi (LoL Pika only... so far) ZaZa (Ak only so far =P) I'm 26 25/12/1984 --- Msn Likes: NFL, Cycling, Bowling, Badminton, Outdoor Activiteis, Music, Animes, Movies, Games  New Jeans New Clothes A White Beanie A new MP3 A Big Punching Bag Boxer Gloves A New Set Of Weight A Black Bicycle w/gearsSorry if i leave anyone out :) MJ12 Zi Yee Siti Yuyun Hidayah hAni Ayue Ayue2 A.W.A AfiqNadd Molly Dee Sabby Linda Dyla Yana Fyda BEN Ahmad Amirul Clarissa Pei Yi Pika Fir Khir Jas SrtStf Tunchit Acah Badd Latiff Hafiz Nizar Kamisah Zach Dzhabar Isnady Shawn March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 April 2010 September 2010 October 2010 July 2011 August 2011 September 2011 November 2011 April 2012   Music Playlist at MixPod.com Designer: SiewSuen♥ Basecode:Chili. |
