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Monday, January 5, 2009
Things have gotten very complicated lately... Theres so many stuff on my mind... Sometimes i juz go blank... Alot of questions dat i wanna ask but left unanswered... Theres so much uncertainty in me... Some friends of mine have been really2 worried about me... Some kept asking me about how i'm doing & hw's everything but to tell you guyz the truth... i'm not really sure... other than the fact that i'm doing badly in skool & that by itself is enough to keep me dwn & out... I'v been trying really hard to be positive... hiding my sadness behind my smiles... but i guess it's too easy to see thru me... SrtStf noticed it even when i was talking to her in MSN... i tot i was cheerful... but somehow she noticed it... Then i was so caught up in my own tots dat i didn't realize being so quiet during the countdown outing with the guyz & Pika kept asking what's wrong... i'll usually say that i'm ok & dats it ntg... Cos it's too complicated to talk about... i got so many problems piled up together... i can't stop thinking about it... can't even get proper sleep... so i tried to cover it up by playing games... hoping that it might cheer up... well it works but only for a while... some1 close to me once said that i have to keep smiling cos she'll be sad if i'm sad... so i'v been smiling ever since but i'm srry to say... i can't do it anymore... I noe i smile alot... i'm always jovial, friendly dispite my looks & i'm glad to hear that i make them happy but... when i'm down, theres ony a handfull of people who actually cares... It's kinda depressing ya noe... trying to fix something that can't be fix... i kept trying & trying but always end up failing miserably... Sigh... I feel like giving up... But giving up won't solve anything... so i talked to my cuz juz now & asked her for some advise. Out of all the people in the world, she's the only 1 i look up to as a role model. So wise, clever & full of drive & determination... i have no idea how she does it. To be in University & having multiple jobs @ the same time. She's also sucessful in her love life not to mention having both bike & car licence @ my age... Seriously, any guy who have u as his GF is super lucky seh Cuz... Cos u have it all... Haha. Come to think of it, all Ur siblings have it all. I envy u guys & it makes me try harder but theres so many eyes on me... too much expectations to meet... I dunno if i can reach those standards... Plus the people that i need the most @ this crucial time isn't even there for me... i understand... We all have our own problems to face... But sometimes a simple act of care & kindness can really make my day... By the way, thx Ezah for that conversation we had the other day... I'll think about it ok. Oh ya! I still have a full container of Chocolate Corn Flakes Cookies dat u love so much. Hehe. Oh ya... I would like to say sorry to my fellow A.W.A members for not going to our 1st club event of 2009 the other day... I noe i told Pika that i didn't wanna go the previous day but i really2 had a huge migraine on the event day... It's up to u guys if u wanna believe me or not but it's the truth... It was my fault & no other cos i couldn't sleep the night before the event & i stayed up till 4am... What do u call this huh? Insomnia?! Izzit?! Whatever lah! Then Fir called me asking where i was that morning & i had to tell him the bad news... I msged Pika too & i think she was mad @ me... nvm i understand... i had such a migraine dat i didn't really care but then Epul called me dat night & told me all about the fun times they had... i got kinda touched... Haha. Didn't think dat i would get a call like that. So thoughtful of him... Mahen called me before him but i was asleep... Too tired... Wanted to call Hun & tell her about it but then i saw her online... status Busy so i waited but then she logged out... Hmm. So i kind forgotten all about it... Then i msged her yesterday cos i was worried... then she asked me if i was in Ubin... i told her about it... Then she replied angrily... i didn't noe, she would get upset that i didn't tell her dat i was sick... Srry Hun... I'm ok now... Sort of... Then school finally reopens today... It was screwed up... sigh... i was very down & wanted to just go home but i had to buy my concession pass so i went o JE Interchange... I was kinda like a walking zombie... Sigh... Erm i kinda nearly crossed the road without looking but then i saw an incoming car & managed to avoid it. LoL... i sound like Pika seh... The Que was too long so i used the electronic booth instead. I went home soon after that & the moment i got home, my mom asked me if i'm ok... WTH!! Izzit dat obvious?! Shit lah!! I kept saying dat it was nothing but then she hit the nail right on the head... ler... i didn't noe what to say & got very cranky... Sigh... Now she feels helpless too... Sigh... I wished i have that magic remote control like in the movie click... so i can fast forward to when i graduate from Poly & can finally get a job... my real self would be in auto mode but i guess it's fine cos my personal life is kinda @ a standstill rite now... so ya... wouldn't dat be COOL!! Haha. I love dat movie by the way. Hehe. I spent the rest of the day watching anime & eat some chocolates to cool down... Sux rite... Old Problem piled up tgr with new ones... Hal lama lom settle... Hal baru pulak sebok kacau... Sigh... Thx for reading guyz... PS: Srry if u guyz dun understand... go figure lah eh... Labels: will things really work out... |
 
Mohamad Syamirza
a.k.a Syam (Erm... apparently almost everyone in my class calls me my this name now... even teachers -_-") MiRzA (Norm for relatives & friends) Mimi (LoL Pika only... so far) ZaZa (Ak only so far =P) I'm 26 25/12/1984 --- Msn Likes: NFL, Cycling, Bowling, Badminton, Outdoor Activiteis, Music, Animes, Movies, Games  New Jeans New Clothes A White Beanie A new MP3 A Big Punching Bag Boxer Gloves A New Set Of Weight A Black Bicycle w/gearsSorry if i leave anyone out :) MJ12 Zi Yee Siti Yuyun Hidayah hAni Ayue Ayue2 A.W.A AfiqNadd Molly Dee Sabby Linda Dyla Yana Fyda BEN Ahmad Amirul Clarissa Pei Yi Pika Fir Khir Jas SrtStf Tunchit Acah Badd Latiff Hafiz Nizar Kamisah Zach Dzhabar Isnady Shawn March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 April 2010 September 2010 October 2010 July 2011 August 2011 September 2011 November 2011 April 2012   Music Playlist at MixPod.com Designer: SiewSuen♥ Basecode:Chili. |
