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Thursday, April 1, 2010
It's been so long since i last wrote any posts... my life was total chaos... so many things happening all at once... My mind was everywhere all at once... then people who read my prev posts assume to understand me & wat i'm gg thru but the fact to the matter is dat i barely touched the surface of the problems faced. Hmm who was there for me thru it... let me recall... Hudz, AK maybe... at this point it's all kinda blurry... it seems like so long ago... wait, it really was a long time ago. The breakup was the most hardest to get past but i finally did... Thank god i finally did... i let my mind get tormented by her long enough but i find myself not trusting people when they say that they care for me or when they said that they love me... i hated those words... make me feel like i'm beign used & i'll be damn if i let anyone do that to me again... So much anger & hatred inside of me. I remember how desperately i tried to forget back then...i went to Haikle's place throwing tantrums & picking fights with my friends. Endless sparring with them all, juz to vent my anger & frustrations... damn i was a mess... then months after that, all the beating i got finally took it's toll. I suddenly woke up one day & i can't move my legs... i was so frightened... no matter how hard i tried, my legs juz won't budge. I finally asked my mom to give me a massage 2 days later but things didn't get any better. I went to see the doc with Haikle's help & i can still remember how nervous i was while waiting for the results. But thank God, he said that i juz needed some rest... he said i was pushing myself too hard. I was releaved but the probs didn't stop there. I went to school one day as per normal & find myself having problems seeing with my right eye... my vision was blurry & i freaked out once again. I went to the doc yet again to find out wat was wrong & thankfully it wasn't serious. A few weeks past after dat & another problems rose which bands me from training... i can't run anymore... the pain has gotten worst than before & i was forced to see the doc once again but it burned a huge hole in my pocket so i decided to stop going for treatments. I'm not rich & i'm not even working so i had to give dat up. To top it all of, it was the exam period, endless class tests & assignments... the fact that i didn't go to school a whole week due to my injury placed more stress to the situation in school. I studied endlessly to pass all my tests for MF cos if i were to fail it again, i'll be kicked out of school... i remembered panicking & Afiq told me that i can do it... so i stayed over @ his place one day to study for the exams & his cats actually helped to calm me down. My friends & i went to study @ Bras Basah Mac & in school Our Space @ blk 73 but when it comes to revising for MF... i find myself alone & no1 to study with... basicly cos i was the only 1 who failed in my class... so i stayed up at night to study & punished myself for falling asleep by studying even more... not to get an 'A' or 'AD' but to juz make it so i can juz pass dat freakin module. 1 by 1 the exams were taken... Math was kinda doable... TF was tricky but MF... when i was doing the paper, i panicked cos i took up too much time for Section A & B that i couldn't finish section C which carries 50marks. At the end of that paper... i was so dissapointed in myself... i was sure that i was gonna fail... i tell myself... that this will be it... i'm gonna fail... my life in NP is over... but when the results finally came, i went Oooh Aaam Geee!! I passed every single module!! By GOD i did it!! I was shocked but damn was i happy!! Then i went out with my classmates to celebrate. I've nvr felt so greatfull b4 in my life... i felt as if i was spared, given another chance & i felt great... i was happy again =) But something's still missing... a certain emptiness in me... i started to look at some old pics i stored in my laptop... then something juz hit me... wat am i doing... i need to do something about this... i need to trust again... these walls i put up must be brought down somehow... so i decided to ask her out... i was scared before... scared to let anyone in but i had feelings for her... feelings i stored up deep inside since then... scared to let it out cos i knew she wasn't ready in the past... but she changed so much these past few years... so i asked her out. We had dinner @ Marina Square's Swensons & had alot of catching up... she changed so much but at the same time... she still the same... she still the same person i fell in love with so long ago. After dinner, we went to play 3 games of pool before we went to Esplanade to buy some brownies but her foot started to ache... omg she was in pain & i felt so helpless... all i could do was to try and calm her down by talking to her as the pain subsides. She said dat the pain was excrusiating & she said dat it was amazing dat she's not crying. She was much too worried about wat passerby's were thinking about when they see us sitting there at the steps. LoL. I was releaved when she said that she can walk again... but i was still worried so we walked slowly to Esplanade. We sat down & chat for a while & ate the browines she bot there before taking the bus to her place. We listened to her MP3 otw there & it was relaxing as she kept asking me if i liked the songs. We then walked to her block & said our goodbyes... I finally got to send her home again. Once again... i kept smiling with happiness... funny how she's the only person who can make me me smile this much till now. I kept asking myself this question so many times before & i guess the answer's obvious huh =) Labels: Hope life will be better now |
 
Mohamad Syamirza
a.k.a Syam (Erm... apparently almost everyone in my class calls me my this name now... even teachers -_-") MiRzA (Norm for relatives & friends) Mimi (LoL Pika only... so far) ZaZa (Ak only so far =P) I'm 26 25/12/1984 --- Msn Likes: NFL, Cycling, Bowling, Badminton, Outdoor Activiteis, Music, Animes, Movies, Games  New Jeans New Clothes A White Beanie A new MP3 A Big Punching Bag Boxer Gloves A New Set Of Weight A Black Bicycle w/gearsSorry if i leave anyone out :) MJ12 Zi Yee Siti Yuyun Hidayah hAni Ayue Ayue2 A.W.A AfiqNadd Molly Dee Sabby Linda Dyla Yana Fyda BEN Ahmad Amirul Clarissa Pei Yi Pika Fir Khir Jas SrtStf Tunchit Acah Badd Latiff Hafiz Nizar Kamisah Zach Dzhabar Isnady Shawn March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 April 2010 September 2010 October 2010 July 2011 August 2011 September 2011 November 2011 April 2012   Music Playlist at MixPod.com Designer: SiewSuen♥ Basecode:Chili. |
